Portrait of a Woman in Love

autumn equinox

so long i have awaited

a windy autumn night

i hear the crickets

telling secrets to one another

the horns and tires

on the busy highway

i hear the leaves

resembling wings of birds

fluttering away

as they fall

i hear your breathing

however far away

and the beating of your heart

i try to shake the chill

creeping up my arms

making my stomach feel

as though it is filled

with fluttering wings

like it was the night i listened

to the beating of your heart

the chill makes me wish

i was wrapped in your arms

like i was then

but i have waited

for a night like tonight

one where i feel hope

one where i hear life

one where i hear you

once again

prompt 2. agony

where have you come from? are you made of stardust, passion, and my own imagination? i couldn’t have possibly imagined you, for you are all the things i never knew i was looking for. all the things i never imagined one woman could possess.

your beauty beyond compare. i could look at you endlessly.   endlessly. sustain me with your humble smile, with your hungry eyes, your silly words. sustain me with the sweet sound of your voice. the savory sound of your sigh. for all i can do is be lost in you.

am i but a silly woman? wanting to be the object of your desire. though you desire all the things that i do not know how to obtain. too much of nothing, too little of everything. your existence, without me next to you, is pure suffering. share your thoughts with me. i am starving to know you. to understand what magic has brought you here to cause me such sweet agony. unable to eat, sleep, or think clearly. i am but a silly woman.

i am frustrated to have found you. you in all your beauty, kindness, and wit. you in all your sultry, effortless charm. i am frustrated. i am starving to know more. where have you come from?

remain open

what was love supposed to be for you? tell me about all the preconceived ideas of love that have shaped who you thought you’d be. everything you thought love would be is nothing i have to offer. but what i have, is worth everything.

this is why you’re going to choose me.

i am youthful. my smile. my sense of imagination. my hope in the darkest of nights. i have been hurt tremendously. i still love.   and love.   and love. i love like a child. forgetting the wrongs. believing the good. forgiving.   giving.

i am soft. soft in every connotation you could imagine. my heart could not fathom impure intentions. i am a lover. lover. lover. i hated the word lover for so long because it’s often a word used to describe a person who you have sexual relations with. i need a word that means more, because my lover, i want to have relations with your soul.

i am a writer. i will write about your lips and how the fullness of them melts into the fullness of mine. how i love the way touching you,   any point of contact, feels like a submersion of me into you. i will write about the way your eyelashes look like butterflies resting on your closed eyes as you sleep. and the way they transfer to my stomach as your eyelids open to look at me. i speak in lyrics more than i do words. i write more than i will ever be able to vocalize. my mind is chaotic. words flying around in circles while i stand below trying to catch the ones that fit just right. the ones that make your eyes real enough to melt into when i read about them once again.

i am a hoarder of memories. like the way you smelled the first time we met. the feeling of sweaty palms the day you didn’t let go of my hand. or that monday in may, we devoured two pots of coffee and danced in the kitchen all morning long. my mind is a record player, constantly spinning, the sound of your laughter– your bliss. an endless soudtrack playing in the background as we snuggle into bed on cold nights. induging in the nostalgia, and one another.

maybe your ideas of love aren’t as neatly packed or clearly outlined as you believe them to be. it’s possible you’ll find what you’re looking for in someone like me. maybe remaining open to feeling, falling, living, will yield a happiness even you could not foresee.

prompt 1. introspection

i am all alone

once again

i spend my nights

lying awake

contemplating the present

trying to forget the past

daydreaming about the future

not certain of anything

but the understanding

everything is just

as it is meant to be

Cynicism

The moment you left

I could feel the sadness

Creep into my bones

Like the first cold day of winter

Like early onset arthritis

Like April showers

That become thunderstorms

Like the chilling presence

Of a darker spirit than my own

Something felt innately different

About my soul

My perspective

Transformed

Into something cynical

Something skeptical

Something sad

Something painful

Something like an ache

That won’t go away

That has made a home

In the places once reserved

Only for you

Your sacred temple

My very own heart

Infiltrated by the enemy

Sadness

Resides within me

And now I have to live with it

The uninvited guest

That has overstayed their welcome

And you opened the door

Unlatched the lock

Made your leave

Without a second thought

About what would claim

The space I’d saved

So faithfully

For you

 

Botanist Heart

If only I could pick these memories

These feelings

And press them

Between the pages of my heart

Like flowers in a scrapbook

 

The Lies You Lie With

one day you will awake/regret piled atop of your lungs like rocks/you will close your eyes again/you will dream of yesterday/of any other day than today/lies will wake you/lies will say everything is okay/what are you waiting for/why do you hide from life/what is wrong/lies will ask you/you will look at your reflection with his/and it will look familiar/but it won’t feel familiar/you have spent your nights lying with lies/but now/there is something behind your eyes/desire/you will say i love you/lies/like a fraud/the words echoing throughout your heart/it will be hollow/lies/you will hurt/ache/lies/he will try to comfort you/you will wish/for a second chance/for a life of truth/for an escape from guilt/for a life worth living/free of lies/tomorrow you will wake up/lies breathing against your neck/you will wish that yesterday/instead of lies/you had chosen truth.

Escapist

You can find me, gazing dreamily into gallery windows in the middle of the night. Chasing waves, the moon, dreams until the sun begins to rise. Losing my sense of sentience as I lie below the stars.

The Photograph

Sitting on my bedroom floor
Rummaging through an old box
I come across a photograph
I hadn’t seen this in years
I could almost smell my life at the time
A sweet aroma began to invade my mind
The smell of our favorite amber candle wax
Sugar cookies baking in the oven
I could feel everything all over again
The warmth
Radiating from the stone fireplace
And from your hands holding onto mine
The sound of your milk and honey voice
Reading to me
From my favorite poetry book
It had been years
But it felt like yesterday

I sit and stare nostalgically
At this long-lost memory.

 

Boundless Love

When she closes her eyes
The world that she’s known
fades away
She is warmly welcomed
Into a dream
Of a lover who makes her feel like
She’s never seen the world
more clearly
With closed eyes
She’s running fearlessly
on tightropes
Battling the demons
That you have invited
Into her mind
With a sword carved and crafted
Out of love
And hope
And dreams
Her eyes are closed
But her heart is wide open
She’s breaking down the walls
That you have built around her soul
Smashing wildly with precision
Removing every tiny
Lingering piece of self-doubt
That you thought
you could tuck away
Inside of her heart
She’s extracting them all
With a steady hand
What a brave, strong woman
her eyes closed
her heart free.

I’m Exhausted

Dreaming of resting
Without dreaming
Because lately
My dreams
Leave me restless