Spinning in Time
Tag: blog
Little Fighter/Little Dancer
sublime subtext
Relative Time
Whisper when you speak of change
Of new seasons and passing moons
Of brand new starts
Of shifting in hearts
Hold me close when we lie beneath stars
Burning dimmer than they had
So many nights before
The hands of time
The metronome of our hearts
My hand will stay in yours
Until the ticking stops
Nothing, my love
Can be as haunting as clocks
miracle
the scent of you
warm and sultry against my collarbones
i remember how flustered
you would get at the sight of them
how your fingers, grazing slowly
along the length of them
would cause your lips to part
and your mind to spin
i had never experienced
such intimate passion
how you poured your love
into every nook and cranny
of this intricate heart
i lie in bed
finding little pieces of you here
and there
wearing you, on my collarbones
wishing the scent of you
could summon you back
from whatever alternate reality
you escaped to
where your fingers don’t trace my spine
as we fall asleep each night
where I’m filled with so much of you
and you are nowhere to be found
my process of creation:
When I write I think I try too hard to make my writing pretty.. to write something somene else would like to read, instead of just writing what I want to say.. what I want to share of myself with the world. I have been writing for the reader and not writing for my own heart that cries out to be listened to, to be heard for once. I’ve decided today to write whatever it is I have to say. I will work on my skill and my form as an editor when I am ready to edit.. not as a writer. I’ve lost sight of what’s important to my work– the message, not the packaging.
I was going to share this message sooner but I couldn’t even put together what I was trying to say. What I’m saying is that, I haven’t been able to write as much as I wanted to. Along with all the reasons of why that is, overthinking has played a large role in why I haven’t. I’ve decided to simplify my writing as much as I feel I need to, just to get the words out of me. Editing will happen when editing happens. I apologize if my format is triggering to any of you. I’m breaking the box instead of feeling confined to it because I want to give my art a chance to become whatever it wants to become. I hope you all stick around for the journey (:
prompt 2. agony
where have you come from? are you made of stardust, passion, and my own imagination? i couldn’t have possibly imagined you, for you are all the things i never knew i was looking for. all the things i never imagined one woman could possess.
your beauty beyond compare. i could look at you endlessly. endlessly. sustain me with your humble smile, with your hungry eyes, your silly words. sustain me with the sweet sound of your voice. the savory sound of your sigh. for all i can do is be lost in you.
am i but a silly woman? wanting to be the object of your desire. though you desire all the things that i do not know how to obtain. too much of nothing, too little of everything. your existence, without me next to you, is pure suffering. share your thoughts with me. i am starving to know you. to understand what magic has brought you here to cause me such sweet agony. unable to eat, sleep, or think clearly. i am but a silly woman.
i am frustrated to have found you. you in all your beauty, kindness, and wit. you in all your sultry, effortless charm. i am frustrated. i am starving to know more. where have you come from?
remain open
what was love supposed to be for you? tell me about all the preconceived ideas of love that have shaped who you thought you’d be. everything you thought love would be is nothing i have to offer. but what i have, is worth everything.
this is why you’re going to choose me.
i am youthful. my smile. my sense of imagination. my hope in the darkest of nights. i have been hurt tremendously. i still love. and love. and love. i love like a child. forgetting the wrongs. believing the good. forgiving. giving.
i am soft. soft in every connotation you could imagine. my heart could not fathom impure intentions. i am a lover. lover. lover. i hated the word lover for so long because it’s often a word used to describe a person who you have sexual relations with. i need a word that means more, because my lover, i want to have relations with your soul.
i am a writer. i will write about your lips and how the fullness of them melts into the fullness of mine. how i love the way touching you, any point of contact, feels like a submersion of me into you. i will write about the way your eyelashes look like butterflies resting on your closed eyes as you sleep. and the way they transfer to my stomach as your eyelids open to look at me. i speak in lyrics more than i do words. i write more than i will ever be able to vocalize. my mind is chaotic. words flying around in circles while i stand below trying to catch the ones that fit just right. the ones that make your eyes real enough to melt into when i read about them once again.
i am a hoarder of memories. like the way you smelled the first time we met. the feeling of sweaty palms the day you didn’t let go of my hand. or that monday in may, we devoured two pots of coffee and danced in the kitchen all morning long. my mind is a record player, constantly spinning, the sound of your laughter– your bliss. an endless soudtrack playing in the background as we snuggle into bed on cold nights. induging in the nostalgia, and one another.
maybe your ideas of love aren’t as neatly packed or clearly outlined as you believe them to be. it’s possible you’ll find what you’re looking for in someone like me. maybe remaining open to feeling, falling, living, will yield a happiness even you could not foresee.
prompt 1. introspection
i am all alone
once again
i spend my nights
lying awake
contemplating the present
trying to forget the past
daydreaming about the future
not certain of anything
but the understanding
everything is just
as it is meant to be
A,
our lives may never intersect again, but this isn’t goodbye.
my experience with you felt like traveling in time. traveling back to a place that i could have belonged to. in love with you. your fantasy felt more to me like my past life. a reenactment. you think you dreamed me up but it was i who summoned you. it’s so peculiar, all that you are. all that you were. all that you have yet to become. i, so much like a cat and curiousity is killing me. when it comes to you. i want to know everything. you are the greatest mystery of my life. the puzzle i will no longer try to solve. one day i will understand the meaning behind you and I. until then, i think i understand as much as this. there is a reason for everything. we’ve done unforgivable things to one another. yet, i forgive you. you hold a very special place in my heart. i may have been a sentence in the story of you, but you were the prequel to the story my heart will someday tell. the story will exist because you still exist within me.
brief encounters with beauty
fierce and excitable. she is one with the wild and i am in awe. artistic and skillful with her hands. she looks like a kid in a candy store, when she touches me. her touch speaking a language we are both fluent in. she is fun. the kind of fun that makes you exhaustless– makes you feel invincible. my sadness never stood a fighting chance in her presence. her energy so radiant it has warmed the very core of me. she is everything i want. a rebellious spirit. she makes me want to live for today. for today with her. she sees me. with dark pools of brown sugar and honey eyes. i’m on the highest of sugar highs. she is a giver. though i know she’s given so much already. she has been hurt. i want to ask her things. and i understand. she may answer in words i have never heard before. still, i want to know everything she wants to say. study the language of her spirit. her smile draws people in. her heart keeps them coming back.
And I, blossom
You are a ray of sunshine
And I, a flower stretching outward
to bask in your ethereal beauty
A drop of dew glistening amongst the light
You are the light
And I, a fluttering honeybee
indulging in sweet floral nectar
You are honey
The sweetener of my days
And I, with a drop of your viscous love
am in a jovial, blissful daze
Song of the Insomniac
Wide awake
The earth spinning within me
When the moons rises from her rest
I transform into the universe
A collection of galaxies
Behind my very own eyelids
You hold me in your gaze
And watch me glow
From so far away
Above stars
Above dreams
Above ache
You waltz with me
To the sound of my insomnia
Revival
You came back
Flowers pressed
To your lips
A heart full of promise
And empty hands
Prepared to catch me
This time around
You came back
Treading carefully
Through my wreckage
Picking up the pieces
That shattered
When the door closed
Behind you
You came back
A shelter for my hope
A guiding light
For my wandering soul
You came back
And your lips
That once tasted
Of skepticism
Of anger
Left traces
Of certainty
Of affection behind
With each kiss
You came back
Restoring wonder
Within me
Wiping tears
From my cheek
Taking the pain
And whispering
That you missed me
You came back
Open-minded
As nonsecular eyes
Allowing the world
As you see
To be seen
Through mine
You came back
And not only
Do I see you
I see love
For the first time
Soft Intentions
Be gentle with me
I am fragile from the past
I am fragile from tomorrow
Touch me with softer intentions
Than you’ve ever touched anyone
And this is the only way
That I will melt within your palm
Be gentle with your words
My heart was stitched up poorly
And the seams are worn
Stretching my hope too regularly
Believing in too many ghost
That only came to haunt me
The moment I thought they were gone
Be gentle with my soul
For it has seen darkness
And invited her to tea
My soul found beauty
In creaky floorboards
And mysterious silhouettes
Lounging in destruction and emptiness
My soul has loved darkness
And things I love
Have stayed with me
Long after they had left
So be gentle with my love
Share your light in my dark
Light a candle when you come home
And find me within the shadows
Becoming one with the night
Be gentle with yourself
Because you deserve softness
You deserve love that comes and stays
You deserve encouragement
You deserve tenderness
And I will be gentle with all of you
Because I have the softest intentions
My hands will always
Be pillows for your heart
And my body
Will always be a warm home
Welcoming your love
Writer’s Paradise
Where have the words gone
My inspiration seems to be on vacation
Fine dining with barely enough time
To soak in my surroundings
Washed away to a deserted island
To a paradise
Too perfect to capture in sentences
I am speechless
When her arms are around me
I lose myself
Within her gaze
And all thoughts cease
All words languish
Blissfully unaware
And wonderfully lost
In a world where dreams
Don’t measure up to reality
And reality is really
As good as it gets
Life Without You is –
Sleeping alone
Not being able to sleep
Because I am alone
It’s sleeping next to strangers
Who will only ever be strangers
Because they’re lying in the mold
Your body once placed
On the left side of my bed
It’s numbing the pain
In any way I can find
It taste like
tear flavored wine
Ice cream in bed
Insatiable cravings
That leave me feeling
Empty
It’s lying to my family
It’s saying, “I’m okay”
It’s lying to myself
It’s wishing I could lie
to my friends
It’s remembering the smell of you
The look in your eyes
The way your lips curved
Into a smile
When they met mine
It’s forgetting the way your lips curved
Into a smile
When they met mine
And forgetting, again
to forget about you
It’s not being able to listen
To happy music
because it makes me sad
Or sad music
Because it makes me sadder
It’s the voicemail that I keep
To hear your voice
When I can’t bear the torture
Or fight the urge to call you
One last time
It’s living half alive
It’s living with sadness
Because I left my happiness
In the pockets of your sweater
It’s your sweater
I wear to bed
To make my heart feel warm again
It’s a hopeless feeling
That I’ve learned to live with
Without you
Silent Matters
Words sound so different
When they’re spoken
Rather than felt
Losing magic
As they enter the world
So let’s be silent tonight
And speak to each other
In the movement
Of hands
And hips
Of tongue
And lips
Home
It’s been so long
Since we’ve been here
And still
Your sheets mold against my body
As if I had never been gone
Your arms wrap around me
As if you had never let go
And my eyes could never forget the beauty
Of watching yours dream
11/11:19 – Faith
All the spirit within my bones wished you back into my arms
With each wish
My bones ached a little more
Porous and full of shallow hope
I dreamt of the day that wishing wasn’t all I had left to believe in
Like an answered prayer
You returned with a heart full of grace, angelic,
Emanating a magic I never knew I would believe in.
suffering female hysteria
“Don’t think too loudly
Speak too proudly
Love too wildly
Hear too soundly”
The things they’ll say, when they’re afraid of your magic 🖤
When Love Returns
Love will one day return
Better, happier, sweet
Love will say “I’m sorry”
Love will face defeat
Love will want to make changes
Lie flowers on your pain
Love has learned the art of patience
Love has changed her name
Love will ask forgiveness
And understand it may take time
Love will reach for your hand
Love will nurture your mind
Love will tell you
“I’m not perfect-
But for you, love, I’d try”
Mistakes are things we all make
But love will not tell you lies
Love will one day return
When you may have thought her extinct
Love will say your name again
And the sound will make you sing
Love will say “I’m here to stay,
and prove my love to be true”
Love will return the pieces of your heart
And stitch them back for you
Spring Dreaming
my eyes they strain to stay open
in the peace, and quiet
that’s finally arrived
the wind sings lullabies
that mimics your breathing
from the sun shadows dance
over each closed eye
lilies put on a show
plie-ing gracefully in the wind
baby blue birds stealing glances
at their precious new friends
and me, I’ve began to cherish
the little pleasures in life
like the distractions of a book
and the warm spring sunlight
The Big Bang
All of these things
That you and I leave unsaid
Are as numerous and as haunting
As stars
Curious little things
That burn holes into my mind
Like the universe
I want to know you
The vast beauty
And light
that encompasses
The whole of your soul
Like the universe
undefined
And incomparable
To any other form
That exist within my realm
Awestruck
Shattered
Craving
But understanding I may never know
All the things that ceased to exist
To create space for your radiant presence
Because things so disturbingly exquisite
Maybe aren’t created to be understood
But are here to evoke gratitude
The Last Sorry
Sorry about me, I say
Sorry my words drop out of my mouth like grenades
Sorry I come off stronger than I like my morning coffee
Sorry my feelings are icky, sticky, sweet like syrup
Sorry my heart has such a mind of her own
And my mind is so submissive to her
Sorry I write about you
Like I’m writing some kind of holy text
To be studied
To be cherished
Sorry
For apologizing for who I am
The words running from my lips like a tic
Over and over again
Like an excuse,
Like a suit of armour
Made out of cotton
Getting stuck in my throat
Sorry I apologize for who I am
Sorry
For the last time
Phantom
Your hands
I feel them
Like phantoms
In the shadows
Of every lover
After you
Their hands
Yours
Caressing the sides
Of my neck
And your grip tightens
In the darkness
You live
To touch me again
To remind me
Everlasting
I wrote myself
Into my favorite love story
The one I’d dreamt of reading
The one I’d feared to believe
I left little pieces of my heart
in every page
Passion laced ink
Tainted every word
With raw desire
With fearless emotion
To be read again
With hungry eyes
The ending
I was never prepared to write
As my pens ran dry
I used my blood
To write another page
To keep my spirit alive
I wrote my soul away
To preserve it
In a beautiful piece
Of literary fiction
The safest place
for my hopeless heart
There it stays
Locked away
I’m still trying to decide
Whether I’ve captured my love
Or cursed it
To live within a story
That I cannot find the words
Deep enough
Heavy enough
Or sweet enough
To conclude
Botanist Heart
If only I could pick these memories
These feelings
And press them
Between the pages of my heart
Like flowers in a scrapbook
Gestures
Her words, her actions—
equivalent to receiving a bouquet of flowers on my doorstep
every single day
i to u – internalized homophobia
the temptation you wish you could resist
the dreams you wish you could forget
the wrong you wish you could right
the sin you wish you could fight
the softness you wish could be hard
the heart you wish you could return
the tears you wish not to cry
the desire you wish would just die
the love you wish could be hate
the truth you wish weren’t too late
the i you wish you could love
the answers you search from above
The Lies You Lie With
one day you will awake/regret piled atop of your lungs like rocks/you will close your eyes again/you will dream of yesterday/of any other day than today/lies will wake you/lies will say everything is okay/what are you waiting for/why do you hide from life/what is wrong/lies will ask you/you will look at your reflection with his/and it will look familiar/but it won’t feel familiar/you have spent your nights lying with lies/but now/there is something behind your eyes/desire/you will say i love you/lies/like a fraud/the words echoing throughout your heart/it will be hollow/lies/you will hurt/ache/lies/he will try to comfort you/you will wish/for a second chance/for a life of truth/for an escape from guilt/for a life worth living/free of lies/tomorrow you will wake up/lies breathing against your neck/you will wish that yesterday/instead of lies/you had chosen truth.
Escapist
You can find me, gazing dreamily into gallery windows in the middle of the night. Chasing waves, the moon, dreams until the sun begins to rise. Losing my sense of sentience as I lie below the stars.
A Question for You, Who Was Always Enough-
Is this for now or forever?
I ask you
You, with packed bags
You, with unloving eyes
You, who once did love
You, who never answers me anymore
Do you still love me?
I ask you.
You, who never wanted a commitment
You, who committed to me
You, who doesn’t know what she wants
You, who once wanted me
What do you want from me?
I ask you.
You, who doesn’t think she deserves
You, who doesn’t think she’s worthy
You, who is sorry
Who is sorry
Who is sorry
Is this for now or forever?
I’ll miss you.
Mr. Owl
How many tears does it take
To reach the center of my pain
It’s been months
My nocturnal companion
Will I ever sleep
Through the night again?
Risking It All
I am just another one of my unfinished thoughts.
Maybe this is the reason that I cannot fully understand who I am.
I am a page torn out of an old journal.
A page with just enough potential to save. To-
Finish later.
I am the first two chords in the chord pattern of my favorite song.
My favorite song, that I’ve never had enough patience to learn how to play.
I am the luggage from last month’s vacation,
Slumped in the corner of my bedroom, untouched.
I am the 8,006 unread emails in my inbox,
That I’ve been too overwhelmed to deal with.
I am a victim of my own inability to commit,
To follow through, to take a risk.
Because I may fail.
I may fail.
So I am a record, that never gets to play side B.
The makeup that doesn’t get removed until the next morning.
I am a collection of unwritten words, of unsung songs,
And unexpressed feelings.
So here they are.
I may fail.
But I will be whole.
All My Words are Hers
When I write for her
I write with passion
In hopes that she will feel
The weight of my heart in eve-ry
Sin-gle
Syl-la-ble
And when the words I have spilled
Touches her tongue
They’ll taste like honey
Honey that I have scavenged for
Like the perfect word to describe
the way her smile makes my heart
want to beat again
hopeful
they’ll taste like wine
the warmth of my love
will consume her
with every sip of the words
from my lips
to hers
they will taste like chocolate
like her favorite guilty pleasure
with all of the pleasure
and none of the guilt
she will indulge
in the passion of my words
because I write
for her
- I write for you (6-26-17)
The Currency of Life
Everything in life cost something
And I’ve become conditioned to ask
“well how much does it cost?”
But what about the things we pay for
With a currency other than a few US dollars
How come we never ask what it will cost
To be a woman
What it will cost
To be unapologetically ourselves
What it would cost
To be anyone else
Excuse me,
I’d like to know the price of pure happiness,
Please.
Maybe we just assume
That if we aren’t using money
It must be free
What is the cost,
Of being so naïve?
Warm Beverages
My cold hands
Gripping the glass
Pressed to my lips
Suckling down warm tea
Warm-
Like your love used to be
And I became an addict
Withdrawing
Searching for that feeling
In every smile
Every hug
Every word
Every mug.
The Language of Hands
Give me your hands
I will trace a map of every freckle
Every scar
And every inch of skin
That only wants to know you
And I sigh
In reply to your touch
The sound of hello
An introduction
Like none before
Your hands speaking the language of love
Whispering, “enchantee..”
Making up for your lips
Too busy
Too occupied
For the pretty words
Your hands
Perfectly say.
It Comes in Waves
What’s more calming than the waves
On a night like this under the moon
And how could I feel so blue
When my heart glows like fireflies
Could you ever understand how I feel
My emotions are the sea
I get lost in the sea
When my emotions crash around me like waves
I can’t escape what I feel
Not even under the luminescent moon
My thoughts, they flutter like fireflies
Your eyes lose sparkle, they’re fading blue
These things they come so out of the blue
Like forgotten items washed up by the sea
Burning holes in my mind like fireflies
When it comes, it comes in waves
And it changes like the phases of the moon
That’s why I can’t trust what I feel
But would anyone trust what they feel
When everything makes them blue?
I look up at the moon
Searching for answers, I look down to the sea
Cause I’m stuck in its waves
And I long to fly away, like the fireflies
My feelings aren’t as fleeting as little fireflies
And I can’t explain everything that I feel
There’s more to me than just smiles and waves
Even a lilac sky can turn deep blue
Don’t you see, my heart’s the sea
Rising and falling each night under the moon
And I’d give you the moon
Or a thousand fireflies
Just so you could see, in this sea
Of my emotions, it’s real what I feel
Even though I’m often blue
And as inconsistent as the waves
The moon is as big as what I feel
Even fireflies sometimes glow a beautiful blue
Some days I’ll be out to sea, caught in the waves
Gallery Girl
(For my muse 💌)
Can I tell you a secret?
Talking to you
Feels like walking through a museum
I always leave inspired.
The Explorer
I want to dive into the deepness of her soul. Wash up on the deserted island that is her heart. Never to return again. Lost within her mystical, uncharted territory.
Forecast
When your knees are trembling
Like an earthquake
Is raging
Through your entire body
Please
I beg you
I’d love nothing more
Than to be your support
To be your crutch
To hold you up
When your eyes
Are teary
And by teary
I mean
A meteorologist decided to name a hurricane
After you,
My love
You can cry
On my shoulder
I will guide you
to every destination
Imaginable
When your mind
Is roaring
Loudly
Piercing
through the air like thunder
Come closer
I dare you
Let my lips
drown out the sound
Completely
And when you’re feeling
Unbelievably empty
weightless
Like the wind
Unable to settle down
Unable to keep your feet
On the ground
I promise you
I will fill every hollow hole
That I find
Within your soul
Until you feel that you
are whole
You are a storm
Within a woman
And I,
I have always loved
Getting caught
In the rain
Coffee Thoughts.
I love you like the last sip of coffee. Never enough, I always want more. I love you like the book I keep re-reading. Finding new, little details to admire each time I come back to you. And I come back to you again, and again. I love you like my pen loves paper. Ink flowing from my heart like an ocean of feeling, like high tide during a hurricane, waves of adoration. Beauty learned to exist through your radiant example. And through your example, the stars light up my darkest nights. So, I love you like the night sky. I’m forever in anticipation. Eagerly dreaming to gaze into the ethereal glow, that I only find within your eyes. You are a dream that I don’t want to forget, so I’m eagerly writing you down. Every little detail flowing from me. Waves of adoration, each time I open my eyes. And I re-read these dreams, until my last sip of coffee, which is never enough. Wanting more of you, to get me through the day. But, I love you like the night sky. Glowing brighter than the moon just knowing, I’ll see you tonight.
Fiery
There’s a light behind my eyes. It’s my soul burning bright.
It takes a special kind of person to know what to extinguish,
and what to ignite.
hopeless romantic
She desires to get lost in the romance of dusty books, vintage albums, and pressed flowers collected by lovers of the past ⚘
The Architect
Her art is the kind that keeps me up
Throughout the night
Perplexed and overwhelmingly intrigued
The walls that she builds
They are more breathtaking than the temples
Of ancient Greece
These beautiful structures
Constructed by a goddess
With wine painted fingertips
I wonder about the treasures that lie
beneath the surface
The ones she feels that she must keep sheltered from the world
I return once again today standing before these walls
Wondering if I will ever know
What hides behind the elaborate exterior
I search for a key
Though I can’t even seem to find a lock
I scream out secret passcodes, but I don’t think anyone is listening…
OPEN SESAME?
PLEASE, LET ME IN…?
I try to climb to the top
Though I fear I’ll reach the heavens
Before I ever find my way over
She must find me silly
Or maybe even as bewildering
As I find her art
While I knock and listen for a reply
My ear pressed up close
My fingers probing frantically for even a crack
The walls that she builds
They are under-appreciated masterpieces
Too beautiful to demolish
So strong that it’d be pointless to try
But I will forever be an admirer
Of her craft
She Loves Me, Not.
And I feel like a little girl again
Removing the petals
One by one
Whimsically
Hopefully
From the third flower I’ve picked
Praying that this one
Will be my happy ending
Strange Magic
I am a curious mind
She is a locked door
I have spent countless hours
Playing “escape the room”-
I am a pro
She is a treasure chest
And I may be terrible at reading maps
But I’ve stumbled upon gold
She is from a completely different planet
But I have longed to escape this world
For as long as I can remember
She is rare
She’s confounding
Beautifully strange
And of all the confusingly wonderful
Things about her
My favorite-
She is mine
